Sitting at a red light with KINGMKR in front of me and STYLIST to my right, it struck me how much intention we put into our carefully crafted identities. We identify with the roles we play in work and life, the things we like and dislike, what we do, what we have, and so many other factors. For some of us, like KINGMKR and STYLIST, aspects of our identity even show up on our license plates.
Our identities are a mixed bag of our stories, titles, relationships, values, beliefs, talents, personality traits, education, possessions, social (and social media) status, as well as other experiences, roles, and labels that we collect and save because they fit with how we see ourselves. But are these curated collections really, us? I think KINGMKR and STYLIST are more than that. We all are. We're certainly more than our vanity plates, or the randomly assigned numbers, that define us on the road. Just as certainly, we're more than the sum total of our accumulated identity. Your identity isn't you.
Who am I? (Not!)
Who am I? It's one of the most fundamental (and challenging) questions we humans ask ourselves. Are we just physical beings or is it possible that we're more? Is it possible that we're spiritual beings having a physical experience? Is it possible that we're not our minds, bodies, or emotions — that these are amazing tools that you, the deeper you, your higher Self, is simply using to have this life experience? To understand who we are, it's helpful to know who we’re not. And, frankly, it's easier.
Exploring who we're not is like a back door into the big "Who am I?" question. Bonus: it is less likely to freeze or short circuit our brains from the get go. If you're curious who you're not, try the visualization below. You'll want to do this when you have 10 minutes and you can find a quiet space, reasonably free of distraction, where you can gather yourself, sit comfortably, and focus.
Going Deep!
If you want to go a little deeper, you can build on the "Who am I (Not!)" visualization with the exercise below. Grab something to write on (and with) and consider the following, journaling your responses to the questions below:
Consider your deeply held values and beliefs — political, religious, cultural. Are you your values and beliefs? Why or why not?
Consider your personality traits and talents. How do you describe yourself? How do others describe you? Are you your personality? Are you a collection of your many talents? Why or why not?
Consider your career. Are you your work? Your title? Your level? Your experience? Your skills and abilities? Why or why not?
Consider the many different relationships you have and the roles you play in life. You wear many hats as a co-worker, leader, friend, family member, and citizen. Are you your relationships? Are you the roles you play? Why or why not?
Consider your possessions, education, and social status. Are you these things? Why or why not?
If Not ALL That, Who?
If your ego is screaming right now, it’s because it spent a lot of effort creating a kick-ass identity for you based on many of the categories above. The use of the word "ego" is not me being judgy — ego is referring to your sense of self, the identity you unconsciously created for yourself over time. This identity is typically based on external factors. That’s what the ego does best. It actively collects and assembles all the things it likes and dislikes, wants or doesn’t want, believes or doesn’t, and so on. It uses this potpourri to create, refine, and defend your “identity.” But you, the deeper you, are more than that. In the deepest sense, you cannot be defined by any of the internal or external factors above.
So, if you’re not your body, your senses, your mind, your emotions, your attention or anything else covered above, then you must be beyond all of these things, which begs the question: Who are you? Now that you know what you’re not, who are you? Before you answer that —before you put anything after “I am…” — consider this: You are. Just that. You are. You are here, now, in this present moment. You are the one who knows, who watches, who observes.
More to Explore!
That was a lot. You might want to take a breather. But, while this is all fresh, maybe take another five minutes to journal on your thoughts and observations around identity. Did you notice any resistance coming up as you moved through the visualization or journaling exercise? Did the questions trigger an emotional response? When you consider that none of the factors above are you — your body, mind, senses, emotions, beliefs, work, relationships, knowledge, personality, social status, abilities — is that scary or is it a relief?
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