Several people have asked me why I live in the desert, a place where "everything wants to kill you." But they’re looking at it the wrong way. Everything in the desert wants to survive. It's the will to live, not the will to kill! Desert things have to work at that a little harder. They're scrappy, resourceful, and resilient. I appreciate the daily reminder that we all share this innate survival instinct. Not only that, we all want to thrive, to bring something beautiful into the world.
Maybe we don't think of it exactly that way, bringing beauty into the world, but we all have something to contribute. We all have something that is uniquely ours to create. Even the prickly desert things have beauty to share. I love the time of year when even the most daunting cactus rocks a crown of flowers like its heading to Coachella. Granted, the Boho flower halo is more survival than fashion for the cactus (pollination and whatnot).
I think bringing beauty into the world is part of our survival too. I was thinking about all of this on my morning walk—how many things we take personally, how nature teaches perspective just by existing, and about the Native American concept of walking in beauty, which means living in "right relationship" with the natural world, in harmony with the Earth, and in balance with a natural way of life. It was lovely. Then, I saw it… the bag of poo.
What To Do with the Bag of Poo?
The bag was bright blue, chock full of dog poop, and intentionally placed on a hydrant. Whether the hydrant placement was a statement, I'm not sure. To some degree, I appreciate the person's dilemma. If you're having a pleasant walk in nature, taking in the cactus blossoms, and watching the sun rise with your dog friend, you don't want to be carrying around a stinking bag of poop. That would tend to spoil the mood. That said, I'm not gonna lie, I went from somewhere between mindful and philosophical to irritated AF in less than a second.
Oh, and then the judgment came in hot. Can't blame the dog, of course. But, what kind of person does this? Hello, moral superiority, welcome to the party. And, look… you brought "the victim" with you too! Now, I have to decide if/how I'm going to find a proper receptacle for someone else's bag of crap? I'm having a perfectly wonderful walk and now I'm irrationally angry. I'm making up stories about this person I don't know, including their intentions for ruining the experience of others with their irresponsible, not to mention entitled, mishandling of crap that is clearly their issue to manage. What if I touch the bag and there's poop on it, then it's on me and I have to smell it until I get home. Now I feel guilty for wanting to pretend I didn't see it. I could just walk on by and do nothing. It's not my bag of crap! Why should I have to clean it up? Add indignant to the list.
And, that's when I cracked up. Pre-poo, what was I just thinking? Yeah, that thing about taking things personally and how nature teaches perspective just by existing. Right. I see what you did there, universe.
Is It Mine?
Even with all the yoga and meditation I practice, and even though I intentionally work on staying present and positive, life happens. It's messy, unpredictable, and human. I believe that the universe gives us what we need, when we need it, so we can learn, grow, and live life authentically in the moment. As it turns out, a well-placed bag of crap was the lesson I needed. It's easy to experience peace and joy when all is going well, but can we come back to that when we're dealt an unexpected pile of crap? Yes, we can.
As an empathic person, I often feel the feels of others. I have to be conscious of "what's mine" and how to create space for others without taking on the physical effects of someone else's emotional experience. The question "Is this mine?" is often my cue to get curious. In this case, it was a physical bag I was questioning—was this mine to clean up now? If someone hands you a physical bag of poo, and you accept it, they no longer have it. The poo is transferred. It's now yours. They can just walk away.
But more often than not, our bags of poo are emotional, figuratively speaking. Emotional baggage is infinitely more complicated. If someone unloads a pile of negativity your way, and you take it in, the energetic stink of it stays with you both until you clear it away. It's more of a multiplication of negativity vs. a transfer.
In this case, I created the negativity for myself. The physical bag wasn't mine, but the emotional poo was. I created that. Fortunately, I realized it quickly, could laugh about it, and was able to let it go before I projected it on someone else or let it stick to me.
Let It Go!
Letting go in the moment is the most effective way to get rid of negativity and keep it from building up over time. When negative emotions accumulate, it can affect our health and well-being, something one of my coaches refers to as "emotional debt." Making letting go a habit will help you reduce stress and avoid the accumulation of emotional debt. So, when you feel negative thoughts and emotions bubbling up, stop what you’re doing and follow the steps below to release the negativity before it escalates.
Awareness: Start with mindfulness; relaxing, noticing the breath. Observe thoughts and emotions as they arise. Imagine you have a mental-emotional “temperature gauge.” Neutral is in the middle, cool and calm. On either side of neutral you have extreme positive and extreme negative. Where are you? Observe without judgment. Acknowledge the emotion—feel it, don’t think about it—and keep breathing. Stay alert, sensitive to any changes in your thoughts, emotions, and body. Pay attention to where the emotional response “lives” in the body, where you feel it physically. Focus attention where you feel the sensation.
Acceptance: Accept everything about the current situation for what it is. Remind yourself that this feeling is temporary (all feelings are). Avoid feeding the story and becoming overwhelmed by piling on more. Face the experience without amplifying or exaggerating it. Don’t add more fuel to the fire — don’t think about what caused the response or you’ll experience the emotion longer (or again). Keep your heart open! Don’t shut down. Instead, embrace what you experienced with acceptance and forgiveness.
Release: Release any resistance. Relax into what you’re experiencing. Stay with it, even if it's uncomfortable, and breathe. Drop any clinging (to the emotion or story you're telling yourself). Sit with the emotion, like you would sit with a good friend—not judging, just noticing and feeling. Do this until the emotion simply runs its course, receding on its own. Don’t rush it or force it. Let it subside and pass through you without escalation or projection. It doesn’t take long to fade, usually 1-5 minutes, but no more than 20 in my experience. Deepen your exhales and let it all go.
Did it work? You’ll know if you feel a sense of relief and lightness. Come back to that mental-emotional temperature gauge and see if you can observe the situation from a place of neutrality now.
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